Don’t be offended if you don’t hear back from me right away

Since when did immediacy become ingrained in our culture? Those little red circles alerting us to a Facebook like, comment or share, a new email, something new on Snapchat or another thing that needs our attention on Instagram at that moment. We send a message to a friend and can literally see if they have read it and half expect a response. We can even see if our friends are online and if not, when they last were.

It’s all consuming.

I’m advocating we take micro steps to reverse our attitudes and expectations of each other and the impact being constantly connected is having on our happiness. What percentage of the content we consume on a daily basis actually does us any good? 2%,  maybe less? I think the majority of it fosters “compare and despair” as we compare the highlights of someone else’s life to our own reality.

In my last post I talked about how I no longer charge my phone beside the bed and resist picking it up until I have started my day without my mind being hijacked by breaking news or the latest meme tag. I thought I would share a few other ways I am dictating my own screen time and why you should consider making a phone call about the things requiring immediate attention.

Unsubscribe from all email lists I never actually read

Does your personal and/or work email get clogged with emails from the same senders that end up straight in the deleted folder, or just sit unread in your mailbox? Earlier this week I went through my emails and methodically unsubscribed from all senders that fill my inbox with clutter. It’s amazing how quiet my inbox is now, only emails from people I care about and/or that contain information of any importance make it in. Opening my emails is no longer overwhelming.

Manage all that blog content gold elsewhere

Are there blogs that you just can’t live without but so many you can’t seem to keep on top of them? Cool, same for me. Instead of filling your inbox, use a tool designed for managing all that juicy content. For a long time I have been using Feedly to remain knowledgeable about both my personal and professional areas of interest, check it once or twice a day, skim the content headlines, file away the good stuff for future reference and the rest disappears.

Turn off all social notifications

I have turned off all of my notifications on Instagram, Snapchat, LinkedIn, Strava (yes, I’m talking to you too), Facebook and Messenger, not just the sound, the whole shebang. Do you know how liberating it is? Imagine opening your phone to zero little red circles peeling your attention away to start that chain reaction where an hour later you still haven’t put your phone down.

If it’s important, they’ll call

Remember how we used to talk to each other? Mobile phones were pretty new when I was a teenager, catching up with a friend was done with an actual conversation on a landline or by turning up on their doorstep. I figure if there is anything important that I need to know immediately, or respond to immediately, my phone will ring.

Others have gone as far as setting up an auto-responder on their emails to let senders know they are not available and to resend their email at a more suitable time as the original email will be automatically deleted then and there. That’s a little extreme according to me, but I think we can all take steps to reduce our expectations on our family, colleagues and friends to respond immediately and regain control of those intrusive notifications.

What are your thoughts on changing the ever connected, immediacy expectations of our modern culture? What do you do to disconnect?  I’d love to hear.

Photo by Charlz Gutiérrez De Piñeres on Unsplash

 

Advertisements

My new standard of success

Timing and coincidence are funny things. I wonder if I had taken an alternative summer school paper, or left that book behind at the library, how my mindset going into 2018 would be different.

The teamwork and leadership paper I recently completed explores this idea of “critical reflexivity”, the action of reflecting on and coming to an understanding of your reflex responses to situations. I liken it to a small child, full of curiosity and wonder, asking “why, why, why” until finally you reach the root answer.

For me, this experience led to understanding my dependence on external recognition to validate my self-worth (I know, deep). Therefore, my self-confidence is shaken in absence of praise or a pat on the back. Worse still, I actively avoid criticism with what can be perceived as perfectionist tendencies.

The answers I needed were found in Arianna Huffington’s “Thrive”. I picked this up last minute when perusing the library for Ivanka Trump’s “Women who Work”. I had heard of Arianna Huffington as a successful business woman, the founder of Huffington Post, and thought it would be interesting to skim through over the holiday break.

Arianna is wealthy, and powerful, the two metrics that our modern culture define success by. In her book Arianna discusses, through her experiences, the third metric of success critical to happiness, the things less recognised by the success scrutineers.

She talks about the power of well-being, our physical and mental health. She talks about wisdom and wonder, the creativity and gratitude inspired by marvelling at art, nature and the activity going on around us. She talks about giving, not just money, but time, and how deeply satisfying it is to do something for someone else by simply being kind, generous with our time and reserving judgement.

I recorded a quote from the book that struck a chord with me.

“If we are unduly absorbed in improving our lives, we may forget altogether to live them”.

For so long, I have been chasing the next thing, when we were engaged, it was marriage. When we were married, it was a child. Bigger fitness challenges and levelling up in my career.

Arianna’s words and the self-discovery process of practising critical reflexivity were a timely reminder to disconnect from the things that no longer serve my soul.

I was inspired to create a vision board for 2018. A significant theme on this is unplugging, taking time to notice more and being OK with not being on the go all the time. To give up the title of “active relaxer” that I have worn as a badge of honour since the time Dad pointed out I was never able to sit still!

As a start, for the last week I have resisted sleeping with my phone by the bed and made a commitment to only check it in the morning after I have completed the morning home maker routine, settled Everly, had my breakfast followed by a cup of tea and spent some time recording 3 things I am grateful for.

I have experienced a sense of calm and clarity in this process, my day doesn’t begin with reacting to whatever I read on Facebook or responding to messages received late at night. My brain switches off more easily between tending to Everly overnight as my mind isn’t hijacked by social media apps.

I am redefining success by my own standards and it feels bloody good.

Want to learn more about the Third Metric of Success? Check out www.thriveglobal.com or have a listen to the Thrive Global podcast. I most recently enjoyed Arianna’s interview with Brandon Stanton, the guy who could be any one of us behind the deeply moving sensation that is Humans of New York.

Photo by Green Chameleon on Unsplash

The Simple Things

I’m not generally one for new years resolutions, I am more of a creature of continuous improvement, but this year I promised David, my fiance, that I would slow down. I have coined 2014 as the year of the ‘rush’ for me – a somewhat stressful full-time job, part-time university study, co-ordinating over 50 High Tea Honeys events and somewhere in there squeezing in football and Toastmasters. Naturally, time for those closest to you ends up too far down the priority list, as do the simple things such as sleep, exercise and eating a well-balanced diet. Fortunately for me, David has supported me without complaint but one evening over dinner he politely asked me if I was going to take it a bit easier this year and I agreed that I would.

I finished up my sales job just before Christmas and am incredibly excited about starting in the consulting world next week. The five week break has been a blessing, it has done wonders for both my mental and physical health. I chose not to enrol to summer school, as tempting as it was to knock another uni paper off, and instead I have taken the opportunity to take a break from that feeling of always having something that I should be doing. Instead, I have focused my time and energy on the basics – daily exercise, nutritious meals and time with family and friends. I feel like a new person and I am determined not to slip into old habits. My focus is on adequate rest and executing my planning efforts.

These are the principles I have set for myself to abide by:

  • Practice meditation as daily as possible. I was recently introduced to an app called ‘1 Giant Mind’ (a by-product of actually having the time to contribute to online communities about things I am interested in). I absolutely love it. For someone who has always been curious about meditation and not that comfortable with the idea of sitting in a room full of strangers doing it for the first time, starting out proved to be a challenge. With 1 Giant Mind, I am learning to meditate in my own time and it’s perfect for me. I’m aiming for 30 minutes at the beginning of every day to calm my mind and prepare me for whatever the day throws at me.
  • 8 hours sleep. This is non-negotiable, no matter how much work or study I have on, it can wait. On top of this, phone/tablet/computer – all off at least 30 minutes before bed.
  • Get it done today and do it perfectly enough. Don’t put off until tomorrow what can be done today. Also, note the term ‘perfectly enough’, striving for perfection can be a barrier for me, if I don’t think I can do something perfectly, I will procrastinate about it for weeks. In the last year or two I have become better at this but still something I struggle with, especially when it comes to work and study.
  • Be realistic about what I can fit in around the commitments I have made to myself. If ‘extra curricular’ activities are going to chew into the time I should be sleeping, meditating, exercising, preparing nutritious meals or spending time with my partner in a well planned out week then I have to say no.

I have already started this week with the decision to hang up my football boots for the season and by setting a goal this year to only complete half of the uni papers I completed last year. I am treating the simple things with the same importance as I would a work meeting by scheduling non-negotiable time for myself. I am enjoying my new lifestyle and I am committed to keeping it up, even after I have started my new job. Wish me luck.